As much as I declare that I like being alone and isolated from big crowds, I've been finding it more and more difficult to stay alone for too long. I bring this up because for the past weekend, my parents have gone to Reno to celebrate their 28th anniversary together. Naturally, they asked if I wanted to come with, but I chose to stay behind so that I could have some time for myself to do work and hang out with friends.
Growing up as an only child is a big reason why I've been such an introvert. I didn't have any siblings to interact with, and while I received the undivided attention of my parents, I don't consider myself to be spoiled. While most people my age would prefer to go out to a club or drinking with friends, I like staying inside in quiet solitude with either a good book or a video game I've been dying to play. My upbringing taught me to find hobbies that I could pass the time with without having to talk to anyone else.
Even today, I feel like I've become more and more introverted. I'm in my 4th year at SF State, yet I don't have many close friends I can hang out with. I still prefer seeing my old friends from high school on a regular basis. Now this doesn't mean I haven't made an effort. Aside from being extremely self-conscious about my behavior and interests around people I just met or sort of know, I try my best to come off as friendly. Still, there are times where I am stuck amongst a crowd of people who all know each other well and are really close, and there I am staring at a wall trying very hard to blend into the background.
There was a time where I believed that I could one day go off to live in the city and spend my days alone. I would have all the time I could want to read, play video games, and watch all the things I want. The quietness of my environment would let me play jazz and soundtracks all day with no interference. It would've been swell. But I've since come to the realization that I don't want to always be alone. It's great to be alone every now and then, sure. Even the most sociable person in the world needs a break all to themselves. I may love to have some peace and quiet, but these days, I'd rather spend have a friend or my girlfriend around to soak in that quiet bliss.
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Monday, March 10, 2014
It's Quiet Here
It's been over four and a half years since I last wrote an entry on this blog. Looking at it now, a lot has changed since then. And not just the fact that this entire website as a whole is different. Then again, a lot of time has passed. Facebook is now the dominate social media. 4K is the new 1080p. The new Bay Bridge is finally complete.
And I'm still the bumbling idiot with big dreams of being a filmmaker.
I'm not sure what compelled me to come back here. For the longest time, I just simply forgot about this blog as my attention was drawn to more important things. Naturally, most, if not all, of my friends have stopped blogging just as long ago. Their old blogs are still around, just like mine is, and looking at each and every one of them is like stepping backwards in time. Nostalgia is a strange feeling. I'm sitting here looking at things long past and I remember that those were simpler times. There was no feeling of adult responsibility overwhelming our every waking moment. In those days, all that really mattered was us.
Maybe I'm just terribly nostalgic. That has always been one of my greatest weakness. I always liked to quietly reminisce of happier times, without all the stress that preoccupies me these days. Back when I hung out with my friends all the time and only had to worry about what video games to play and who's house to hang out at next. I miss those, I truly do. But as they say, time waits for no one.
I'm not sure what point I'm trying to make here. But I think I'm gonna try and do some blogging again, at least whenever I find the time to. Who knows how long I'll be able to keep it up; my attention span was never too great, even when it came to important things. I'm not even sure who I'm talking to, aside from myself. The new blog title alone reflects how I feel in the middle of the night, about how I like to sit quietly with my thoughts after dark. So whoever is still out there and whoever cares to read, my thoughts are here for you to peruse.
Still, it's very quiet here. I wish my friends were around to share these moments with me, rather than the ghosts of their past selves.
And I'm still the bumbling idiot with big dreams of being a filmmaker.
I'm not sure what compelled me to come back here. For the longest time, I just simply forgot about this blog as my attention was drawn to more important things. Naturally, most, if not all, of my friends have stopped blogging just as long ago. Their old blogs are still around, just like mine is, and looking at each and every one of them is like stepping backwards in time. Nostalgia is a strange feeling. I'm sitting here looking at things long past and I remember that those were simpler times. There was no feeling of adult responsibility overwhelming our every waking moment. In those days, all that really mattered was us.
Maybe I'm just terribly nostalgic. That has always been one of my greatest weakness. I always liked to quietly reminisce of happier times, without all the stress that preoccupies me these days. Back when I hung out with my friends all the time and only had to worry about what video games to play and who's house to hang out at next. I miss those, I truly do. But as they say, time waits for no one.
I'm not sure what point I'm trying to make here. But I think I'm gonna try and do some blogging again, at least whenever I find the time to. Who knows how long I'll be able to keep it up; my attention span was never too great, even when it came to important things. I'm not even sure who I'm talking to, aside from myself. The new blog title alone reflects how I feel in the middle of the night, about how I like to sit quietly with my thoughts after dark. So whoever is still out there and whoever cares to read, my thoughts are here for you to peruse.
Still, it's very quiet here. I wish my friends were around to share these moments with me, rather than the ghosts of their past selves.
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